The Strong Willed Man
The Strong Willed Man
by Langston Jones
How do you know people that walk in the spirit? You know them by their fruit. The fruits of the spirit are Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self-control.
This is the yard stick by which we should measure our husbands, our leaders:
He must have a “strong will” and still be “humble”.
A strong willed person does not use his gifts to control and defeat others. The apostle Paul was a strong willed Man. He was chosen by God. Paul did not choose to be an apostle. It was not his will. It was the will of God.
If it is the will of the Father that makes us strong willed, then there is no room for self. Paul was adopted by the Father so that he could inherit the fruits of the spirit. We are strong willed because we are in the will of the father.
Now that we how a strong willed person should behave, let’s take a minute to talk about the self willed person. This is the person that will do whatever it takes to satisfy his desires.
A self willed husband and leader is someone that seeks his own desires. He is selfish, becomes angry quickly, likes to fight and cheats others. You can recognize the self willed teacher because he is bold and not afraid to speak against those in authority. Self willed persons are daring in their actions. They are trained to steal. They are extremely arrogant and self-centered.
A more subtle inconspicuous and less brazen form of a self willed person, but just as guilty is a person that is immature spiritually and psychologically. It is that person that has an iron rule over his home but no clue of the members’ whereabouts. He thinks he rules his kingdom like a dictator, but its members have found ways to get around his laws. He can’t see his selfishness because he believes he is doing the right thing.
Self willed behavior is learned. Self-centered leaders teach their members to be self-centered, spoiled and conceited. Self centered kings overindulge their members (wife and children). He gives them their way and as time moves on they develop traits of self-righteous and pious behavior to gain their desires.
Let’s consider the phases in a child’s life as he moves from dependence to independence of his parents. The child wants and is learning to control the world around him. It is both biological and psychological. It is intellectual and spiritual. He is learning to control himself and the people around him. The child is being bombarded by inputs from friends, family, parents, games, teachers, radio, and television. Can you hear them saying it loudly, get money, do your homework, buy this and that, I will make you cool, get Jordan’s and you can fly, get high, get sex? You can do it, come on…follow the world.
The intellect and the spiritual minds are merging, but the inputs that feed the intellectual mind are the things we can see and touch. These are the things of this world. The things that man wants us to believe is that we can “fly”. The messages are “we can fly”. Every sane man knows that man cannot fly without a plane or a gift from God.
The child’s intellectual mind sees a man that has an incredible talent, doing incredible things. The child believes that if he buys his clothing, that he will achieve this incredible gift. The killing part is this person that makes the clothing is using child labor and the person representing the clothing doesn’t make a thing. They are thieving off the backs of the poor — those that create the goods and those who buy. As parents, we help in hindering the merger of the intellectual and spiritual mind, by participating in the process. We do not stand up and say no! We do not see the merger. If we do, we give in because the world is doing it. We justify our choices with “I don’t want my child to have less than the child next door.” We should spend the time teaching that self worth is not in clothing. The child should be clothed in God’s character. In giving in to the pressures of the world we teach our children how to be consumers, instead of builders. Then, we wonder why we have a generation of children that want things now and will do whatever it takes to get them.
The self-willed child is trained to be self willed by those that have spiritual authority over them. The parent can be overindulgent, over restrictive or a combination of the two. When a parent displays this kind of behavior, the child will demonstrate a lack of respect for those that have authority. In teen aged boys, this lack of respect is directed toward the father and is soon demonstrated in his desire toward the things of the flesh and disrespect for people of authority.
The child does not exercise self-control and is unable to express himself emotionally or intelligently, because he has no spiritual yardstick by which to judge his actions.
An example of overindulgent behavior and disruption of the spiritual authority of the husband follows. A father and his son are visiting a grandmother of the child. The child wants to stay overnight with the grandmother. The Father says no! The grandmother excites the child by saying why can’t he stay? He’s my grandchild. He can stay one night. In this example, the child sees the authority of the father challenged by the grandparent. The father can give in or fight, but in either case he loses credibility as an authority figure. The child learns that the authority of the father can be challenged. This becomes more real to the child and more conscious when the mother of the child challenges the authority of the father on the child’s behalf. The father’s word becomes meaningless when the command is challenged.
The husband is head of the wife. When the child becomes a man he does not know what that truly means because he has never seen it implemented. He is unable to fulfill the role of the head of the wife and the family.
Over Restricted Child
The result is the same for the child that is over-restricted, a lack of respect for authority. As with the child that is over overindulged, the over-restricted child is trying to control his environment. The parents see this behavior as that of a self-willed child and will use force to control the child. The use of force is to break the self-will of the child to conform to norms of the world. Parents unknowingly end up crushing the child and only make the child more dependent on achieving the life style of the world. The child will grow up with strong aggressive feelings, believing that force and intimidation is the way to get the things of the world.
In both cases, the parents fail to understand that God wants us to channel and direct the child in the commands. God wants the parents to seek his Word and command to train the child to make good choices.
Our greatest gift is our ability to choose. This is will power… Will power is to be used to maintain a balance between a strong will and a humble existence following the commands and controlling the body. The spiritually and psychologically immature person will blame others for his problems. It is always someone else’s fault. The road to a spiritually and psychologically mature person is to accept the facts and devise and change plans to live within constrains and make choices that will help you to achieve your desires. You may suffer in the process but no one said the world is just. Only God is the fair and just ruler.